


Memories of an old Friend

by Original-Works123 (Raven_Cobblepot)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Memories, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 16:12:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14452926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raven_Cobblepot/pseuds/Original-Works123
Summary: A short personal story of mine of a friend who had committed suicide.  Words cannot describe how much I miss him and wish he was here he meant so much to me. I just want to let everyone know that you aren't alone out there if you lost friend this way.





	Memories of an old Friend

**Author's Note:**

> I plan on making a story dedicated to my friend. I am already in the process of getting ideas down for it and I have managed to get a title for it finally.

It all started when our class was outside for the remainder of the day. I was alone and rather bored sitting in the shade watching the grass in the soccer field move whenever a gust of wind came by, how exciting is that? I got up and decided to go wonder around for a bit that is when I saw him sitting there on that plastic blue bench alone watching the other kids play or talk amongst others. A small smile formed when I got an idea to introduce myself to him, to be rather honest when I saw him sitting across from me at our group table I thought he was a nerd because he wore these dark blue glasses, not to mention he seemed to always know what he was doing when we were given a task. As I approached the bench I sat down next to him and gave him this awkward friendly smile. I was never good with social interactions. Needless to say, it took me a bit to start talking to him though, words cannot explain the nerve-wracking feeling I had - afraid I was going to say something wrong or possibly weird - but I managed to calm myself down to finally speak up.

"Hi, how are you? What's your name?" I said nervously.

"Jacob, I recently moved here."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I live in the area."

"I do too," I was very excited now.

We conversed for so long it was time for the class to leave. When I found out he was going to be walking home I felt very relieved and happy. I didn't have to walk by myself anymore! As we talked it felt like we had known each other for ages I never had such a connection like that before with anyone that I had met, but then again it was hard making or even keeping friends when I was constantly switching schools. We did have some stuff in common his favorite animal was a wolf-like mine, he loved to use his imagination just like I did, he hated school just as much as I did as well, and he too had goals he wanted to meet when he got older. When we stopped at the corner of his street he lived on, he looked at me and said.

"We're going to be best friends forever, I'm always going to have your back." he gives a small smile.

It was at that moment when I finally realized I had someone to trust and rely on, he was my rock I could tell him anything.

I love this memory that I have of when he and I where we were walking home from school the air was fresh, fairly cold, and the wind was slightly blowing just the way I liked it in the fall. As we came across this small garage sale I came to a stop. It almost felt like I was going to fall over because a stuffed animal had caught my attention. I went from having a full-on conversation to getting majorly distracted like a dog spotting squirrel, all because of stuffed animal husky. I couldn't help it, it was small and adorable it needed some love in my opinion. He stopped a little way, turned around and saw that I had come to a stop when he walked over he looked at me then diverted his attention to the stuffed animal husky.

"How much is it?" he asked.

"25 cents, but I don't have change on me." I patted my pockets and looked through my

backpack.

He sat his backpack down and opened it looking around for some change.

"It's okay if you can't find any."

He completely ignored me and kept looking. Luckily, he found a quarter and handed it to the person and picked up the stuffed animal husky then handed it over to me. I must admit I was at that moment I ended up developing a crush on him, what a gentleman he was!

I also remember the time when he told me he was going to be moving it was during our 5th-grade year. It was horrible because when he told me I nearly about cried but I kept myself under control because I really didn't want to cry in front of my classmates. Now that would have been embarrassing, but I can tell you along with wanting to cry so badly I felt hurt and betrayed. He promised me that he was always going to be there for me and he has the audacity to say he is moving away from me? I didn't care that he was moving to another part of Michigan until next year the point being is that he was leaving me. I wasn't ready for him to leave me, well to be honest I didn't want him leaving me at all. In the four years, I had known him I thought once we got into middle school or perhaps high school we would get together.

Now let's fast forward to the year I was starting 9th grade. It was during that time that I discovered that my best friend had committed suicide.

"So, what were you guys talking about?" I asked curiously.

"Umm...Jacob, he was in the newspaper." Alex and Michael looked at me.

"Wait...What? Why?" I gave them a confused stare.

Silence.

"Seriously, why was he in the paper?" I demanded, starting to get irritated with them.

Silence. Again.

"Guys, what's going on? Why can't you just tell me?"

More silence.

I stopped and waited for us to get off at our bus stop I had decided that I was going to get Alex to tell me. I waited for Michael to leave because my plan to interrogate Alex would be ruined if he intervened. I practically shooed him away and grabbed Alex's arm and began to walk home.

"Why was he in there? What's going on?" I gave him a cold stare.

"You're going to regret asking."

"Just tell me."

"Jacob died, he killed himself."

Imagine yourself going into a black hole, and you are collapsing into yourself, or the sound of a breaking mirror all the shattered pieces falling to the ground. If you can imagine that, you might begin to feel how I did in that awful moment. I looked up at Alex.

"You're joking right?" I asked him, but the serious look he gave me said otherwise.

I repeated my question again to him "You're joking right?"

"I'm sorry but it's true, I would never lie to you." He said with a serious tone.

Turns out Jacob was having a hard time and couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't believe it.

"I'm going to head inside," I said as calmly as possible, with a quick turn I opened the door.

My head was overpowered with thoughts like how could he do this to me? He made a promise to come to visit me again and he broke it. I was beyond angry; I was so furious and extremely depressed that when I went inside I clenched my hands into fists and stared off into space for a moment trying to collect myself but it wasn't working. I couldn't think straight. I felt myself tense up to the point where my muscles in my jaw and back began to hurt. I began pacing in the living room trying to take deep breathes but they became ragged and I could feel myself about to hyperventilate. My vision became fuzzy as I felt that first tear break free, and the rest quickly followed in an unbroken stream. I felt myself flop onto the floor where I bent forward pressing my palms to the carpet and began to cry with the force of a dog who had been abandoned by its owner. I felt a wave of intense desire to shatter anything in the room that was made of glass. The sound of it dismantling against a solid surface would certainly help sooth my nerves.

Once that was over, my mind flooded with memories of him. I thought about the ones that I cherished the most when I was with him. It may sound weird but we had formed pack together with some friends that we were close with because we felt different from the rest of the people that were in our class. I guess you could say we were outcasts. We liked to rank ourselves like wolves would do in a pack and Jacob was the leader or Alpha, I was second in command, and so on from there. It was our job to keep things running smoothly and to work things out when a problem occurred within the pack. We also loved to play to a famous game among young children: House. He always took on the rule of being the father and I would be the mother and whoever else was with us were either our kids or neighbors of some sort. It was the best game ever and we always had a wonderful time playing it. I will always remember how his father would pick on us about liking each other which at the time I thought was absurd because boys had cooties and the concept of dating was gross.

I couldn't understand why he did what he did. What exactly drove him do it? Was everything not going as good for him as I thought it was? I kept blaming myself for not staying in touch with him as I wanted to. I kept thinking to myself that I should've done more. I wish he would have never moved away so he would still be here with me. I clearly remember when he told me, it was when we were in class having an indoor recess because it was raining outside. I was sitting at my desk drawing a picture while he was watching me.

"I have some bad news." He interrupted the silence that was between us.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

He hesitated for a moment. "I'm moving."

I dropped my pencil and looked at him as if he insulted me.

"What?"

"I'm moving."

The words stung like a bee stinging you, I wasn't sure what else to say to him...it felt like he betrayed me and our promise of being there for each other! He said he wasn't leaving Michigan until next year and that he was just moving to a different city and school. But the promise of him visiting me again never happened. I waited every time summer came rolling around but only got disappointed when he never showed up and to make it worse, a broken heart and a head full of questions of what exactly happened to make him do such a thing was all I was left with. Now, whenever I sit on that plastic blue bench I wish he was there so it could feel like we are meeting for the first time when I decided to walk over to him and become his friend.  


End file.
